“Whom have you learned the most from?” I asked the CEO of a highly successful company. He replied, “I had a great boss from whom I learned a lot.” “What could he do better than other bosses?” He said, “He was really good at listening.”

I catch myself far too often thinking, “I should probably keep quiet.” But Listening is more than just “shutting up.” Listening means: Attention and Energy. It means giving generously of your empathy and putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. Only then ask questions when you can no longer follow.

If during a conversation you first sense that your share of speaking could be slightly too high, you can be sure it’s already far too high. This rule of thumb can help you improve in your most critical leadership skill: listening.

Northeast of Munich, in a small town called Buch. It’s the week between Christmas and New Year. I’m sitting in what’s known as a dyad, in a “seminar” called “Enlightenment Intensive.”

Two participants sit facing each other. One of them says the phrase: “tell me who you are.” The other participant first goes into their feeling, then into their mind. They share whatever comes up for them.

In the role of the listener, no verbal responses or gestures are allowed. Not even a facial expression. Instead, there is 100% eye contact.
5 minutes – then switch.

The day starts at 6:00 AM and ends at 11:00 PM. The entire seminar spans 7 days. The name of the seminar is not by chance.

This was the most intensive practice in LISTENING that I have ever experienced. Through constant repetition and the extended duration, one learns to completely withdraw and engage fully with the other person. By maintaining complete stillness, the listener does not inadvertently disturb the other’s thought process. It prevents unintentional manipulation.
100% attention and 100% energy for the other person.

As mentioned, it’s not for everyday use – but excellent for practice.

My grandma used to say, “God gave us two ears and one mouth.”

When it comes to LISTENING correctly, we don’t need to adopt techniques—neither pretending interest with friendly questions or phrases, nor using facial expressions or gestures.

The crucial aspect is our inner attitude. Then, our responses naturally take the right form and measure.

Attitude means honestly asking ourselves:

“Do we truly want to understand the other person? Do we want to try to follow their thoughts completely? Are we really willing to set aside our judgments?”

Or at least constantly checking ourselves and recognizing when our inner “critic” and “judge” start to interfere.

Learn and practice listening techniques. Your world around you will change.